A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
