I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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