He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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