Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Man, jail baloney is awful.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
