Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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