GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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