You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
