You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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