my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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