Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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