yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
