Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
