I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
