Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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