The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
