She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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