1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize