he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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