Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
