Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
