You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
