I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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