i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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