his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
