Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize