thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
