I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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