we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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