I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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