Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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