saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a beard to bite.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
