fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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