She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
