The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize