You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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