ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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