i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
