Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
