I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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