Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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