I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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