I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
