you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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