names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
