4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's never too late to be topless.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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