just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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