i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
