That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've blown a few things in my day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
