The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
