My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize