ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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