never play flip cup with pint glasses
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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