Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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