I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
