he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
