And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
