bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
