you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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