Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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