I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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