I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
