While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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