He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
