I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
