some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
