nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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