its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to make out with him forever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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