Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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