I skipped work to stalk him.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
