So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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