Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
